Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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