Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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