Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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