I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
