The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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