but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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