you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
