im drinking this country out of the recession.
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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