He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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