In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
