This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Randomize
