How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
