That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Randomize
