where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
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