At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
