Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
