Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
