he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
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I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
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I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
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