i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
i came on her dog
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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