remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Randomize
