My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Randomize
