I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
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ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
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I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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