She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
