you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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