why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Randomize
