wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
