If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
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I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
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I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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