2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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