it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
