Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
so let's talk penis.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
