Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
