If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
