i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Terrible idea I love it
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
