She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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