I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Randomize
