so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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