I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
