Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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