my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
