I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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