ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
i barfeds in our rink
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Randomize
