Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
