tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
