that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
