Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Operation Purity has been aborted
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
