hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Randomize
