oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
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