i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
