The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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