I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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