Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Its about making memories worth repressing
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
