Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
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