At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
