they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
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