woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
