Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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