I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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