when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
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