90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
