You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
