so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
