dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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