Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
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