I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I came so hard my ears popped.
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