one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Randomize
